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Talk:Tao Kung/@comment-14973435-20170324165909/@comment-14973435-20170325035439
Upon realizing that there is very little for me to cover after reviewing over Tao Kung’s appearance, personality, and history sections, I have simply decided to go over everything within this final comment in order to just finish it off in one sweep. Appearance Regarding the appearance description you have created, I would suggest that you leave out the subsection you have for the different forms your character takes as it generally does nothing more than take up space which will often make the page look cluttered for an unnecessary reason. His Basic Demon Form, as you come to refer to it as, is the form he will generally be within and therefore doesn’t need to have a special section of its own. The description which you have written for his Etherious Form’s appearance should honestly be added to the already established description you have for the said form. That’s what I would change first and foremost. Now, you most likely noticed I left out his Human Form because from what I read, his Human Form was originally a completely different character known as Howard Grant. Being his own individual from Tao Kung, there really shouldn’t be that much mention of Howard within Tao Kung’s page unless there is something like a specific interaction or part of their relationship that meds to the two together. Otherwise, I would suggest making a page or just mention Howard within Tao Kung’s history to act as a reference. This is my personal suggestion however and if you desire to keep him implemented into the page, I would suggest focusing on him more. Finally, moving on the actual description and not the formatting of said section, I would have to say that the only problem that it suffers from is being rather bland, not going that into depth regarding features. To be specific, there is no mention of any physical feature which Tao Kung possesses which I figure you would focus on describing since he is a Warrior of sorts. An example of what I mean is specific details like his facial features, body structure and height, and overall minor details like scars or the specific location of his Guild Mark. I would personally suggest using a full body picture of the source character in order to have a good idea on what to describe. For a reference, use this image. Personality Moving onward to the personality section, I would have to say that this is one of the weaker points within the character as there is very little substance towards Tao Kung. There is honestly nothing that makes him stand out when compared to the vast amount of battle-hungry who generally fall into the same category of him. Even without reading his section, a person would probably get the general gist from the simple intro paragraphs you have placed above. There needs to be more to him besides a simple battle-crazed man who has some code of honor when it comes to battle. As such, there should be more depth to Tao Kung in order to make him stand out for an individual who wants to be the strongest. A great example of a character who is somewhat similar to Tao Kung would have to be Asura from . While he doesn’t possess the desire to be the strongest fighter, Asura shares the same brutality which your character does. The source of his brutality stems from his quest for vengeance as he continues down this path after his daughter was kidnapped and appointed to being the new Priestess, a title which forced her into a war he didn’t want her to be a part of. The key here is motivation. What exactly motivates your character to be the strongest? Perhaps a promise he kept to an individual who he bonded with despite his savage nature. It is honestly up to you. History/Backstory Onto the history portion of Tao Kung, there isn’t much I can say regarding this as the current backstory isn’t the story of Tao Kung but the tale of Howard Grant. Like I previously stated, Howard Grant should possess his own page as you’ve already implied that they are two separate characters with their own thoughts, personality and dreams. As such, I would once again suggest removing any mention of Howard from Tao Kung’s page unless you state it was Howard who found the Black Soul Gem which resided Tao within or the body of Howard Grant is currently possessed by Tao Kung after accidentally freeing him from his confinement. Moving on beyond that, I would suggest that when you tell the story of Tao Kung, you add the specific reason why Zeref decided to create Tao. What was his original purpose? Was he meant to be a weapon to be unleashed on Zeref’s foes? Was the one of the many Etherious created in an attempt to revive ? There must be an innate reason for Tao Kung’s creation which doesn’t come off as forced. Also, while I’m sure I don’t need to tell you but you should described why Tao Kung was sealed within the Black Soul Gem as there must have been some specific reason as we saw in its original state with its reveal. Unless the Black Soul Gem is considered his “concealed form” and it was believed he was sealed within the object. Abilities Last but not least, we will end off the review with the abilities possessed by Tao Kung—a core component when considering what he is meant to be. In order to keep this simplified, I will split this portion into four subsections to focus on each part. Curse To start off with Tao Kung’s Curse, I will have to say that possessing the doesn’t seem like it would fit an individual such as him, given the martial artist route you want to take him down. There is also the fact which Curse are generally perceived as unique amongst the various as I doubt Zeref would make an Etherious which is just a better version of another one. While is capable of utilizing the abilities of everyone tied to , I believe his curse allows him to form a “link” with the souls of the Etherious residing with the Underworld, thus gaining the power to wield their Curses. I will also have to be honest in the matter that Tao Kung doesn't bring anything new to the table in terms of using ’s curse. Everything he has done was either preformed by Jackal in some way or is capable of doing it. I would personally suggest figuring out a Curse that fits towards Tao Kung. Perhaps a Curse known as Combo ( , Konbo; lit. "Linking Strikes”) which focuses on Tao Kung continuously attacking his opponent without interruption, generating more power with each strikes so long as he isn't interrupted. While it is not an original idea, it is an ability which I believe would fit Tao as it enhances his martial arts ability. If you wish to keep his ability to throw his concussive blast, you can state he is capable of molding his Curse Power into concentrated blast which he can throw towards his opponents in order to inflict damage, poisoning them with the Magical Barrier Particles. Prowess Moving onto the prowess section, I will focus on his physical attributes first since they were displayed first. While it isn’t too detailed, it does provide a good amount of information which gives the reader an idea on how strong, fast, and durable Tao Kung is, an important factor in RPs. However, I would suggest you add the initial level of his physical attribute in order to show exactly how much he has grown since I would imagine he has undergone intense training over the course of time to better himself. I would also suggest removing the traits “Berserker & Unyielding Bloodlust” and “Skilled Political Figure & Businessman” as they are more akin to personality traits. I would suggest you add the fact his blood lust will generally cause him to unleash more force to his strikes into the Strength section and the ability to ignore wounds whether they be fatal or not until he is dead into his durability. Though saying he won’t stop until his enemy or he is dead sounds rather unstoppable, implying he can go on forever. I would suggest adding in he can be snapped out of his blood lust in some way. Moving onto his ways of combat, I would say it is rather bare as it doesn’t describe how skilled Tao Kung is within these specific fighting styles or exactly how good he is with said art specifically. It gives a rather basic description on how an individual would preform the Martial Arts. It would be best if you described if Tao Kung has modified the Martial Arts to his own personal preference since the Satsujinken differs from person to person. I would suggest doing something similar to that to show how different he is compared to other practitioners of the way of fighting. Etherious Form To Be Added. Gonna get some food....